I don't really like the abrasive self. I don't like getting pissed off, acting pushy, or like a general asshole. First of all, it doesn't work too well for me. I'm not a "macho" person by any means. Me acting like an asshole comes off as someone who's not an asshole trying to act like one. Which, in a way, makes me seem like even more of an asshole...because then that shows direct intent. I don't like yelling. I don't like being yelled at. I like speaking in a calm, relaxed tone. Even laughing can be unsettling for me at times. I like breathing, not hyperventalating or suffocating. I'm the kind of person who likes the journey more than the destination. I like the imagined more than the real. I find art and the surreal in everyday things.

And I worry, I fear, and I panic at the sight of EVERYTHING.

A series of new DVD reviews:

Willard:

This moive made me smile. I am unsure why this movie flopped in the theatres (there is a bonus documentary about it's troubled upbringing on the disc). Crispin Glover plays Willard Stiles, a loner with a sick mother and a dead end job at his late father's company. As his depression and madness spirals, he discovers he can control the rats in the basement that his mother wants him to exterminate. Willard now his own army to do his bidding. And whats a good horror film without themes of revenge, mistrust, and betrayal; only in this case it's also the rats getting revenge,and do the betraying.

The movie has a very antiquated feel which makes for a spooky and unsettling atmosphere. Crispen Glover as Willard is simply too perfect.

Matrix Reloaded:

I won't say too much about this, because I'm sure most people have either seen it, or are not interested in it. I think it's better than the original. The story is bigger, the characters are deeper, and the visuals more stunning. There's some nice bonus material: Previews for Revolutions,several 'making of' spots, commercial developemnt etc. I was amazed at the crispness of the dvd transfer.

and now the one I really wanted to talk about...

Scarface (20th anniversary edition)

I had never seen this movie before I bought it. I consulted a few co-workers on it before buying it and assured me it was a classic, and it may be...but...I will outline my likes and dislikes...

likes:
-Tony Montana (obviously). I now understand why this was such a popular character. The guy is smart, ruthless, determined, and has got balls of steel.
-The remastering. The movie was made 20 years ago but almost looks like it came out yesterday.
-I get the whole American Dream gone haywire message. It's a good message, but I don't think it was emphasised in the ways it should have been in the movie.

dislikes:
-The sound. Yeah, I understand it's an early 80's movie, but there seems to be too many inconsistancies and fluxuations in the mastering ( and this is the remastered version). Bad choice of music, I would have taken the movie alot more seriously if the soundtrack was scored instead of taking whatever was popular in 83 and shoving it in the backround. It ruins it's timelessness.
-Disturbing. At the same time this is one of my likes. It's very depressing. Anytime a movie shows the ritzy upper class I find it depressing for some reason. Not so much a fault of the movie as it is a personal turn off.
-Manolo (manny). He seemed too pretty-boy-ish and not gangster enough.

In closing, I think Scarface is good, but overrated. Not a personal classic to me. (yet)

My dreams are pretty shallow. They're usually about something I'm nervous or insecure about. However I keep having a reoccuring flying dream. It's not like normal flying though. Not like Superman. It's more like, being at the bottom of a swimming pool, and kicking yourself up to the top. The sensation doesn't feel supernatural in any way. It feels as though when I wake up I could do it. It feels like it's something you have to learn, not something gifted to you. And, per usual of me, these dreams are always accomapied by a sense of panic. It feels like my heart is going to leap out of my chest. This last flying dream was also accompanied by a shallow recurring theme of me beating the shit out of someone with my bare hands (I won't mention who). I've never felt so much raw anger. I want to break something now.

So very bored. Just got off a slow night at work. The site revamp is coming along slowly. Running into many many many bugs that I didn't know existed. School is interesting. 2 of my classes are 3 hours and 45 minutes long once a week. By hour 3 I'm ready to start slittin some wrists. And not nesisarily my own. In marketing we got into an hour discussion on why they put toys in happy meals. People in my class were saying things as if previously it were a big secret that kids like toys and subsequently want happy meals. When I found the meaning of life it was slightly more prfound than that. 2/3 of that class are church going zealots who are persuing marketing or business majors, for some reason them taking an interest in something as shallow as business and marketing doesn't suprise me. You don't see too many zealots in physics classes. I wrote down in a servey for my english class that I keep a journal...somehow I doubt my teacher had this in mind.

My my I'm bitter tonight.

Been slacking and not writing. Have alot on my mind, I think. I start my school next week. I put off signing up and getting loans untill the very last minute. I think I was trying to screw it up so I wouldn't be able to go. Fortunatly there was a stronger part of my brain that was telling me that I should do it, and that side won.

I've been slacking on my music and the website...it crashed, but that's a story for another day. I will update this later. Check back.

I havn't had a whole lot to write about lately. Nothing really spectacular happening, nothing pissing me off to bad. I've mostly been working on updating the main site (rhythmicunrest.com), and working in the sleezpit known as Mountain Jacks. I was gonna put this thing up from Micheal Moore, but I think I deleted it from my email accidentally.

I bought "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" On dvd. It's mildly funny, mildly disturbing, and slightly more than mildly depressing. I wish they would have showed more of the Gong Show stuff, but there was really only one scene like that.

The Mars Volta is now ( in my book ) crowned as the greatest living rock band. I got a copy of Deloused in the Comatorium from a friend. I was blown away (and I don't say that very often). It's emotional and haunting. It's the single most creative album I've heard in many many years. If you liked At the Drive In (though I hesitate to even compare), The Mars Volta is what they were, but more ambicous, intelligent, and mature. Just listen to it.

I havn't gone to sleep before 6 am in weeks.

Blogger added new features today, I'm so happy I could have an accident.

I'm not having very much fun today.

sitting here in the middle of the night in my hot bedroom working on music. I desperatly want to finish these 2 songs I'm working on but I'm only making small dents at a time. did I mention it was hot in here. perhaps I should turn on the fan. the constant droning of the sound is giving me a headache. i wonder what kind of headache it is, I never can tell. work was, mentally draining per usually. while putting the sour cream on the baked potatos I look down and begin to wonder if my brain is starting to look like that.

Blogger has been down for the past half hour and I have been waiting patiently for it to come back up.

So there's an outside possibility the resturaunt I work at could be closing. The new owners come in tuesday to breath down our necks. I wish I didn't have to work. Such is life I guess.

Easy mac is so good I could just puke.