Saturday, January 29, 2005

The Tree

I remember this time when I was small, maybe 5 or 6. It was storming outside, hailing I think. The sky was green. This was maybe 10 at night, and I was asleep in bed. After I went to sleep the storm got worse. My parents moved me from my room into thier bed with them while I was sleeping so I wouldn't get scared by the storm. When I woke up, I lost my shit and freaked out. Not because it was storming outside, but because I didn't know where I was when I woke up.

I still remember those occasions when I was really small and scared. I was very emotional as a child. That child still exists in me. When I hear Ashley's 3 year old cry, it brings back all those memories of when I would get upset for unknown reasons. I said unknown, because I don't remember why I was upset, the only thing I do remember was it making sense to me at the time. That's why when I hear her cry now, I don't get mad or frustrated when I'm trying to sleep, I get a sense of empathy. I remember reading this short story in my college english class; The short version is that a girl is turning 12, but she still feels like she's 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, and 11. Like rings on a tree. We don't grow as human beings, we layer, and with each new layer comes increased complexities to our personality. I fight with those inner layers on a daily basis.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Why is completing the music that I start so hard for me. I have too many ideas and I can never stick to one. Been zoning out alot lately. Like, I'll go into some deep state of thought and not snap out of it for like an hour. This can happen while I'm at work or driving. So, It seems I might make a good sleep walker.