Friday, November 28, 2003
I don't know how much longer I can keep up like this. I'm sitting here alone in the dark with no one to talk to but my self. Is anyone else out there? Let me know, say hi at the bottom of this post. It's making me crazy really. Like those isolation experiments. It's like someone's playing an experiment on me. An experiment to see how long I can go. It's like there's these black walls up all around me. Not like concrete, or lead...just, blackness. Of course they're not letting any light in, so I'm of course, in the dark. It's not depressing, it's sad; if that makes any sense. I've avoided it for so long. It's not that I'm starving, it's just that I'm ready. And I was probably ready awhile go, I just didn't realize it. People make me smile, every day. Every day I have little moments to be thankful for. But it's also like not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from. These are all just shallow, breif moments. Where's the good shit at. Do I have ideas? Sure, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. But that's not really what matters. What matters is that I'm done doing whatever I've been doing, ready to go forward...right here, right now, that's the important part. Breathe, put on your shoes, put on your coat and hat...walk out through the door.