Blogger added new features today, I'm so happy I could have an accident.

I'm not having very much fun today.

sitting here in the middle of the night in my hot bedroom working on music. I desperatly want to finish these 2 songs I'm working on but I'm only making small dents at a time. did I mention it was hot in here. perhaps I should turn on the fan. the constant droning of the sound is giving me a headache. i wonder what kind of headache it is, I never can tell. work was, mentally draining per usually. while putting the sour cream on the baked potatos I look down and begin to wonder if my brain is starting to look like that.

Blogger has been down for the past half hour and I have been waiting patiently for it to come back up.

So there's an outside possibility the resturaunt I work at could be closing. The new owners come in tuesday to breath down our necks. I wish I didn't have to work. Such is life I guess.

Easy mac is so good I could just puke.

Had an ok weekend at work. bout fell asleep at the wheel on friday though. looking forward to my day off monday. I just rented the ring, havn't seen it before.

I had one of the most boring days in my life today. Hung around my house till about 4, went to media play and bullshitted for an hour, went to my work to eat and BSed with ashley for a few, came home and watched tv, then went to see freddy vs. jason. It was pretty bad.

I'm not tired.

I've been having sleepwalking problems lately. A few weeks ago I got up really early in the morning and called my grandparents for a reason in which I am still unclear of. Today I woke with a stomach ache and the remains of alot of half eaten food that I don't remember eating next to me.

Made a little trip to Guitar Center yesterday, and of course ended up spending more money than I intended. And, of course the people there didn't know what the fuck they were talking about when I asked them questions. Havn't completely figured out all the features on this compressor yet, but I'm getting there. There's a rack EQ that I want to get as well. I feel like norton in fight club...like I have to have all this shit before I can feel complete. I just don't want to have any limitations in my music making. I don't want to be in a position where I can't do something just because I don't have the equipment. If I can't do something, I want it to be because I'm incompetant.

Fuck all this construction bullshit. I just spent nearly 3 hours on a ride that normally takes me 30 minutes tops. Now, had I known about all the closed freeways and roads, I probably could have made it in an hour, a reasonable time. But I spent the entire night running into dead ends and driving back and forth. This is the last time the Michigan Department of Trasportation makes a fool out of Trevor McKee.

Rage. A good word, describes alot of what I feel on a moment to moment basis. I feel it for alot of reasons. I feel it every night when I come home...this is usually accompanied by the desire to drink. Wish I could afford to right now. I'm feeling a bit of rage right now; I'm typing on my keyboard and for some reason it's not level on my desk, so it's wobbling with every key that I hit. I feel like throwing it against the wall. I broke my last keyboard that way; though, it wasn't because it wasn't balanced.

I feel it at myself. I don't know what to do. Nobody tells me this stuff. I just fucking wing it every day of my life. I get into situations, people start saying stuff at me...who the fuck knows what they're talking about. Mostly I beleive they don't even know what they're saying. I hear the tone of their voice, not like the attitude, I mean the actual tone eminating from the backs of their thoats. I notice that everyone has one voice "sound", and all the words are formed by variations of that one sound. It's hard to describe what I mean. Mine kind of sound is like humming a really low note, but I don't have that low of a voice. Some people's sounds are like parots. Some people's are soft. My point is, some people's tones just enduce this inner rage, I don't know why. They speak and my head starts caving in. It's like as soon as they open their mouths you can see right into their brains and hear all the bitterness, (I should talk) hatred, and self importance. My point? People should simply talk less. There are very few situations where I talk alot. Work might be one of them, depending on my mood and what day it is. If people would just shut up I think we'd have alot less problems in the world. Speaking is probably the worst idea we've ever come up with. Toasters are pretty stupid too.

I feel rage after I've been in a situation and I replay the events in my head. Hi, my name is self-doubt. I think this has to do with my personality changing from place to place. Who I am at home is not who I am at work, or a club, or the bar, or the record store. I leave these places and think "who the fuck was that person?". Person to person is the same way of course. I get confused if I'm with more than one friend at a time, and not even on a concious level. I'm quiet when I A. first meet a person, or B. When 2 friends are in the same room togeather. It's like I have to test the new dynamic or something. A+B doesn't = A and B to me. It ammounts to some abstract dynamic that has to be evaluated in my mind.

I think I'll put my fist through a wall now.