I had an odd dream. This blog was some kind of harbinger of the apocalypse. Through my actions and words on it, I spread a deadly virus. The first people that read it would become the initial carriers, and infect the world. Scientists were having me do physical scans of my computer looking for this virus. When you were infected with the virus, it wouldn't show up for a day or two, then all of the sudden you would get sick and die within a few hours. I asked the scientists to test me to see if I had it. They told me that it didn't matter, because they suspect that enough people had it by now that it would infect the rest of the population anyway. They told me not to worry, because I'd probably be dead before I suffered for very long. So I watched everyone around me drop dead, and I either couldn't do anything about it, or I didn't do anything about it because I was scared. More and more people died. Their eyes began to bleed and they started talking all backwards before they died. I kept waiting for my turn, waiting to die. Before I knew it I was all alone, everyone was dead. I looked around at all the corpses, blood, death and destruction. I was all alone; alone on a quiet, dead planet. Misery washed over me and I began to scream, and I never stopped until I realized something. I didn't fear death; this scenario was exactly what I feared; being alone. This was the worst possible thing that could have happened to me. This was my hell. Perhaps I had died... Did it matter?
The dream (like most of mine) isn't that hard to figure out, despite its cryptic and confusing themes.
1. The Blog: I sit relatively alone on here. It's me vs. the world basically.
2. The Virus: I have this issue that I think everything that goes wrong around me can be at least partially attributed to my action or inaction.
3. Infecting the world: An exaggerated version of my thinking...something I write somehow spawns a virus that kills the world.
4. Being the last one: My irrational fear of being alone.
5. Hell/Dying: I don't believe in god and so don't believe in hell, but I understand the concept behind it. I kill the world, so there's some guilt involved in that. Just as when something goes wrong in my real life, or the lives of those close to me, there's irrational guilt. Hell=Guilt.
6. "Did it matter?": Being alone on earth living with the guilt was as good as being dead and in hell.