Friday, March 26, 2004

More and more I'm convinced that none of this is real. This could be related to my ever-growing distance from reality itself. I worry about things, but then I soon remember that this is all just a figment of my imagination. Even my imagination is a figment of itself. And you, reading this, whoever you are, do not exist. Sorry. I don't beleive in you any more. Though, there are certain figments of my imagination that I'm glad are around. Figments aren't always bad things... Songs in your head, pretty faces, sexual fantasies, pie, those kinds of things.

Where am I at? Am in my head? My chest? Am I right behind my eyes? We don't really get the impression that our arms and legs are our "self", but merely extensions. If you lost your arm your paraperception would be thrown off a bit, yet we don't acknowlage our arm when we have it. Maybe everything does exist. But me, I, my "self", does not. It's an elaborate illusion created by the voices in my head. These voices are not me. These voices are conspiring to further their own agenda. Sometimes I don't know what that agenda is. It's in the voices' best interest to make me beleive that these are the things that I want...that it's me wanting them in the first place. But something that doesn't exist cannot want.

I must quiet these "voices". I must admit who I am. Actually, I musn't do anything. Any sort of action I would take is only the result of the suggestion of a series of voices. Quieting the voices completely would only paralyze me. Luckily a new voice has been introduced. "Reject the selfplex" Not all of these voices are "bad"...

I have to drink so much water it's disgusting. The medicine I'm on makes my mouth incredibly dry. I've peed 12 times today I think. I'm guzzling down water right now as I'm writing this.

I hate cars. I hate driving cars. I hate looking at cars. I hate riding in cars. Most of all I hate talking about cars with other poeple. When my car breaks, I want it taken away out of my sight and fixed. I don't want to see the broken parts and talk to the mechanic. Mind you, I don't want to get ripped off either, so that's why I supose it's important to find a mechanic you can trust. I'm willing to pay almost any dollar amount that I can afford not to have to deal with it. Moreover, I'm willing to pay any dollar amount to have it fixed and have it fixed quickly. If I could simply have some kind of automatic service that detected a problem with my car, sent a crew out to pick up my car, keep it over night, bill my bank account and have it back to me by morning without me ever knowing, I would be happy. Cars are not the solution to life's problems. The solution to solving your car problems is to not beleive in your car. It doesn't exist. Sorry bucko, drive through.

No comments:

Post a Comment