I'm fighting to stay awake right now. I got up very early and went to bed fairly late.

Fungus

Moments ago, I took a sip of water from a glass that had been sitting out for days. I immediatly regretted that decision. A wave of nausia swept through me as I gulped the water down. The taste was comparable to how you might think toilet water tastes. I drank toilet water. I am now drinking a can of Hawaiin Punch in an attempt of offset the toilet water. It's the light stuff. I immediatly regret this desicion. It tastes like some kid left his cherry flavored lolly pop sitting in that glass of toilet water for a few days. The nausia I am now experiancing is unspeakable.

I bought this band's cd "Kasabian". I bought it because of a song that I heard in the store that I liked. What a foolish person I am. I suppose the CD isn't bad, but I can't copy the fucker on my ipod because it's got copy protection on it. Although, it's Sunn copy protection, so it's easy enough to bypass. The CD is like that group Tin Star that was out several years ago, mixed with a modern rocky thing. If anyone's reading this is seriously considering buying it, it's not really worth your time. Other recent music; Daft Punk's latest "Human After All" is good, but not up to par with "Discovery" or "Homework". It seems like they just threw a bunch of songs on a disc that they did in a weekend or something. What really bothers me about the album is how 3/4ths of the songs' titles represent a voceded hook that's looped in the song (human after all, primetime of your life, robot rock...etc). I'll admit I've never been a fan of (and had barely heard of) Bright Eyes untill their latest dual release, "I'm awake, It's Morning" and "Digital Ash in a Digital Urn". "I'm awake" is more of a folksy-twangy-acoustic thing, and "Digital" is more of a pop-rock-postal-service-type thing. Both are absolutely great in my opinion, but I'm awake wins by a hair. I'm just glad to hear someone who knows how to write lyrics for a change. If I hear another "Brain-Insane" or "Came-Same" rhyme I'm gonna puke.

I'm still drinking the god-awful Hawaiin Punch. Samantha begged for some in car. I was instructed to give it to her by her mother. 7 minutes later the entire can was emptied into the fabric of the car. Now while I'm the last person to be talking about spilling beverages in a car, as there's probably 18 gallons worth of pepsi soaked into the seats and carpet of my car, sticky babies make me nervous. When sean has got food on his face I don't see it as food, to me it's like some deathly contageous fungus. And the stickyness, I can't concentrate on anything if my hands end up sticky. When I wash dishes at work I wash my hands off every 3 mintues. They probably spend more money on hand-soap for me than they do on my paycheck. I get another paycheck on monday. I'm gonna take it straight to the store and buy booze. Ok, so I probably won't buy any booze. I actually like the feeling of not having to worry about my bills.

I just got up from a nap before writing this. You'd think I'd feel way more tired, but I don't. I slept for 4 hours last night, and maybe 2 just now. Ashley went somewhere to study I think. I wonder where she went, she didn't say. I'm all alone in the house. Sometimes when her and Samantha aren't here I like to shout as loud as I can for no perticular reason. Also, I like to make stupid faces as all of their stuff; as if it's some how going to rub off on those objects. Oh jesus, there's a "secret track" on that Kasabian CD, I thought they stopped doing those 10 years ago.

Sweet Vengance

The lengths that people will go to in order to protect their pride astound me.

The other day at work I delivered to man who upon answering the door jerked the pizza out of my hand and hastily tried to shut the door. I stopped him before he could and informed him that I needed to see his credit card. Agast with annoyance, he went and got his card. He held it out to me in his hand refusing to let it go. I told him that I needed to make an impression of it. At this point, he exclaimed "Why the hell do you need an impression of it? They took my number over the phone". I told him, "We need to take an impression of the card to make sure the person on the phone is the actual owner of the card; it's just our policy." He responds, "That's bullshit, you don't need my goddamn card, this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of" I say, "Sir, it's a measure we take so that-" He cuts me off with "No! That's All!" He walks back into his house part of the way and screams "Trying to make an impression of a credit card with a nickel!!!! What a fucking MORON!!!".

Upon returning to the store, one of my bosses called the man back and tried to explain to him what I was unable to. His conversation with him was worse than mine apparently. The man claimed I was drunk and high and thought that we were trying to steal his credit card information. As I said, the conversation didn't seem to go well. The man called the company the next day to complain, and his version of events were much, much different.

According to him: HE called back after I made the delivery. That I told him that if I wanted to steal his fucking card that I would have already.

In all probability, the card number he gave us wasn't his own card and that's why he wouldn't let me make an impression or sign the receipt.

People.

When will this wintery hell stop plauging me?

Why you should stand in front of a bus

I'm so medicated right now I don't know what the fuck to think. I've been doped up on cold pills for a solid week. I think I might at last be winning.

I bought season 2 of Millenium yesterday, I was quite happy when I did. When the show was originally on I was in a moody part of my life. The show was good in a different way back then. I could relate to the characters and ideas presented in it. Now I appreciate the show on a different level. I understand the stories a little better, understand the meanings a bit better as well. Before it comforted me in a sappy teen melodramatic kind of way; Now it makes me think more than it does make me feel.

I also bought the movie "Moonlight Mile" on dvd. It was quite good, although, up untill today, I couldn't put my finger on why I didn't like the girl who worked in the post office. It's not so much the movie's fault, but there has been a recent string of movies that have love stories in them that involve a sad-sap of a guy meeting (and falling in love with) a free-spirited girl. Examples: Moonlight Mile, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Garden State. These female charaters in these movies are fantasies. They do not really exist like this in real life. The only one that came sort-of close to being real was Clemintine in Eternal Sunshine; she had her fucked up qualities. These kinds of girls are the fantansy of every quiet nerdy intro-vert. I should know, because I had an experience with just such a girl, and it started out fun, but got really weird and ugly really fast. Beleive me guys, you don't want to go out with someone like Clemintine. Girls who end up that "free spirited" are that way for reasons and come with a hell of a lot of baggage. Going out with a girl like that is like eating an entire box of tweenkies in one sitting. It starts off good, but after about 10 minutes you want to hurl. Beleive me, go out with a girl who is down to earth and level headed. Someone who has real interests and not just a "Up for anything and everything" attitude. Now while I still like these movies, I take them with a grain of salt (that the writers are probably lonely people).

Work tonight was grrrraaaahhh!!!! I want to strangle some of those fuckers and shove dirt in their mouths so they'll stop talking. Most nights it's ok, but nights when it's busier and we have to stay later it's always the ones who act like tough guys who are the first to start crying like babies about wanting to go home. These same people piss and moan when I have to take late deliveries and can't get started on the dishes right away, but they won't lift a finger to wash a single one themselves in order to get done a little soon. Instead they'll stand in the back, smoking cigarettes and talking on their cellphones to who the fuck knows. Fuck off you meatheaded assholes. You're dumb fucks that serve no purpose to anyone. Go get hit by a fucking bus.

I dunno, there used to be a picture here, but I accidentally deleted it.

Crayzee

All Clues, No Solutions

I regretably went to work today. I was still very much sick. Not the kind of sick where you're coughing and sneezing, the kind of sick where all of your energy is drained and you don't want to get out of bed. Good news is that it was slow and I didn't have to do much. The bad news is that it was slow, and I didn't make much money. Made enough though I suppose. I was in such a pissy mood I about screamed at this guy on the phone that I couldn't understand to take the fucking marbles out of his mouth if he wants to order a pizza. I was pissy, and then I was depressed.

I got depressed when this woman came in looking for her 15 year old daughter who had been missing for a week. She had 'missing' flyers; she gave us one to show to everyone. On the flyer under her picture along with all the description stuff said that she was severely depressed and needed medication. The whole thing made me get a sick feeling in my stomach. Partially because I know these types of things usually don't end up well. Mostly though, it bothered me because I think this was the first time I've ever come face-to-face with someone in that situation. My mind chews on a lot of things at once. Every day crime isn't one of them; robbery, kidnapping, murder, these types of things. I think about bigger issues; maybe that makes me a bit of a pompous prick, I don't know. Maybe it bothered me so much because I couldn't immediatly attribute this particular problem to a bigger one. It might have ties to a bigger problem, I don't know...but the point is, with the information that was given to me, I can't see one. Either this girl ran away due to her depression, or she was kidnapped, or murdered, or all 3. It's a lot easier to broadly say that a larger problem is the general cause of smaller scale ones than it is to specifically come up with a reason when it's right in front of your face. I guess that's why people ask "why why why" when something awful happens to them or a loved one. Yes, there probably is a "reason"...but like me today, when the ultimate result of that "reason" is right in front of your face, it isn't at all easy to see. It wasn't easy for me to see, and I only got a fraction of the emotional confusion that her parents have I'm sure.

Sometimes I feel like I want to talk to these kids that I hear about who are going through severe depression and anxiety and find out if it's anything like I experienced.

sexy

Phrase of the day - "I don't know adventure"