Pumpkin Diary Entry 2

"C19 Diary Entry 2" Sounds a bit melodramatic, but I'm not really sure what else to call them so it doesn't sound creepy and scary. I could use a code word. How about "Pumpkin". It's the Pumpkin Diaries from now on.

It's going on week 3 or 4 of the lockdown. We're having days with over 2000 recorded pumpkin deaths. Southeast MI is getting hit hard, especially Detroit. From a mental health standpoint, I'm not really sure what the correct level of dread I should have on any given day. It's not just dread about the pumpkins, it's dread about the future, our jobs, our way of life such as it is. The GOP asshats think guys like me don't understand, but we do... we're just willing to accept the lives of the vulnerable are more important. From a practical standpoint the dread level doesn't really matter because I have no control over viruses or the political goings on surrounding them. At the start of this thing I was calm and collected. "Would it help to worry?" I would say. I need to take my own advice, clearly. Being high almost every night seems like the only thing getting me through sometimes.

Grandma is doing a bit better and is recovering. Thankfully there was no need for a respirator (which they wouldn't have put her on anyway). Arrangements are being made for where she'll go next. The rest of the family who weren't hit as bad are also doing better, but worn out.

C is hanging in there. She has her bad days dealing with shit just like I do. Fortunately so far they don't seem to overlap too badly so we've been able to help each other. "Bad day" is just a relative term though. That dread is ALWAYS there. It's just how well you can manage to temporarily beat it back and get the bare minimum done for the day.

What's been on my mind today though is *all the things that are on my mind*. I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with my inability to organize my thoughts. I don't know that in any sort of grand sense I think it matters that I do... then again, why apologize for not wanting my brain to feel like a trainwreck all the time. Maybe that's mostly what it's about. Not needing to shout my bullshit at the world, but just being able to have it organized so it's not cluttering up my brain and I'm not tripping over shit. This makes me wonder though, am I assuming this stuff necessarily should lend itself well to organization... when that might not be the case. I guess that's what writing is, in a sense? Translating complex ideas into words, hopefully in a "simple enough" way that they can be understood by someone.

Random things that have been on my mind lately that I hope to write more about:

-Art
-Music
-My role in society
-Entanglement

C19 Diary Entry 1

I suppose for today this is just going to be some informally structured random thoughts from the last week or two.

My grandmother is in the hospital + for covid19. She can breathe on her own, as of right now things are looking up. I've just been trying to distract myself since there's nothing I can do. Can't visit hospitals right now.

Yes, Trump is making things worse, but we knew that would happen. This thing may not have gotten so out of control so fast if his #1 priority wasn't the stock market. The map of the US with all of the various hot zones? That's the price of capitalism-at-any-cost. Governors and local leaders in mostly red states are taking a combative attitude toward CDC advice. This is the cost of ignoring science and adopting a general anti-scienctific attitude and mindset. Scores online believe dangerous conspiracies that are going to kill people. This is the cost of allowing right wing trolls free reign to try and shape the reality to their liking. ... the point I was really trying to make is that it's not just Trump fanning the flames, it's the millions of people that put him in office as well.

C and I were talking about what "good" might come out of all of this. Though the dolphins appearing in Venice story was fake, one does wonder what the net affect of the recession/depression is going to be on the environment. I would certainly never promote the human suffering of a depression for the purpose of advancing some sort of "Green rebirth" idea (sorry conspiracy theorists, nobody wants that)... but, since everyone in our government seems hellbent on making all of this worse and we're just watching this slow-motion train wreck. We already know that cases of sickness from smog in Beijing and elsewhere in China is way down and they estimate there will be thousands of lives saved from pollution related respiratory illness. Could this whole experience be a turning point in the climate change battle (for the US anyway)? A depression won't single-handedly fix the problem, but it might be enough of a kick in the ass to make us change course. 

Mixed messages about face masks. Now the CDC says everyone should have them in most public situations. Guy on FB posted about having some that his company started making and I found myself frantically emailing this guy back and forth (he didn't have a shopping cart set up). I hated that I got that nervous about finding a particular supply. I still don't have any gloves. Not much hand sanitizer.

Oh yeah, the white house said the other day that Federal stockpiles of emergency equipment isn't for states to use. Because states aren't actually a smaller subset of the United States. The crux of the argument seems to be that if they let states use the stockpile, then they'd no longer HAVE the stockpile, and we can't have that. Nobody seems to have a good answer on what the point of stockpiling this stuff was if we're not going to use it for EXACTLY the purpose it was intended. Later they changed the definition of what the stockpile is "for" on the official gov't website to match the bullshit Kushner or whoever let fall out of their mouths.

That's about all I've got the energy for right now.

One thing I've learned over the past month is that a whole lot of people don't understand the not-so-subtle difference between "take things seriously" and "panic".

Then there'a another group that doesn't understand the difference between "don't panic" and "Hold church jamborees and parties and shit, it's cool bro".

I shouldn't be shocked by the nation who still struggles with every brain cell to understand that "Black Lives Matter" doesn't mean "Fuck everyone else".

My top albums of 2019 in no particular order....

Swimming Tapes - Morningside
Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride
Silversun Pickups - Widows Weeds
Turnover - Altogether
White Reaper - You Deserve Love
Fontains DC - Dogrel
Foals - Everything Not Saved Will be Lost parts 1 & 2
Tool - Fear Inoculum
Michael Kiwanuka - Kiwanuka
Hernan Cataneo - Balance Presents Sunset Strip
Menzingers - Hello Exile

2019 Movie List

Movies seen for the first time in 2019. (Out of 4 starts)

1.    The Old Man and the Gun (***)

2.   The Mule (***)

3.    Reign of the Supermen (***½)

4.    Beirut (***)

5.    How to Train Your Dragon 2 (***½)

6.    Bad Times at the El Royal (***)

7.    Creed II (***½)

8.   How to Train Your Dragon 3 (***½)

9.    The Great Escape (****)

10.  Captain Marvel (***)

11.  Thunder Road (****)

12.  Shazam! (****)

13.  Short Term 12 (****)

14.  Roma (***½)

15.  Us (****)

16.  Leave no Trace (***)

17.  Destroyer (***)

18.  Rio Bravo (****)

19.  In the Heat of the Night (****)

20.  Hateful Eight (***½)

21.  Avengers: Endgame (***½)

22.  Arctic (***)

23.  Ready Player One (**)

24.  John Wick 3 (***)

25.  The Man Who Killed Don Quixote (***½)

26.  Cold Pursuit (***)

27.  High Crimes (**)

28.  Senna (***)

29.  Toy Story 4 (****)

30.  State of Play (***)

31.  The Disaster Artist (***)

32.  High Life (***)

33.  Fast Color (***)

34.  Spider-Man: Far From Home (****)

35.  Transit (****)

36.  The Art of Self Defense (****)

37.  Little Woods (****)

38.  The Man From Earth (***)

39.  Detective Pikachu (***)

40.  Miles Ahead (***1/2)

41.  The Farewell (****)

42.  Angry Birds (***)

43.  Secret Life of Pets 2 (***)

44.  Godzilla: King of the Monsters: **½

45.  Le Samourai (****)

46.  Shadow (***½)

47.  Ad Astra (****)

48.  Abominable (***)

49.  Frida (****)

50.  Alien (***)

51.  The Fortune Cookie (***½)

52.  The Lighthouse (****)

53.  Crawl (***)

54.  Tim's Vermeer (****)

55.  Turbo (**½)

56.  Jojo Rabbit (***½)

57.  The Man Who Knew Infinity (***)

58.  Knives Out (****)

59.  The Report (****)

60.  Ford v Ferrari (***½)

61.  The Rise of Skywalker (***½)

62.  The Aeronauts (***)

63.  Bombshell (***)

64.  Peanut Butter Falcon (***½)

65.  Power Rangers (**)

I'm not saying the commercials judging men on their looks will ever be as bad as is the situation for women, but growing up I was very conflicted over the razor commercials that told me I was a slob for not being clean-shaven and no women would ever have me, and the other ones telling me how sexy beards were to women and you were a snowflake if you didn't have one, but be sure to use their special beard dye so you don't look like a grandpa... and then came the ones that were like "Yeah just go ahead and dye it gray"...

I don't know what else I could possibly tell anyone at this point. 45 is about to be impeached by the house but all indications point to the senate acquitting him. The evidence of criminal bribery and abuse of power is overwhelming, and yet, the senate protects him. What can one do when the entire senate has lost its collective mind and is protecting a flagrant mad-man. What's worse is that 2020 reelection polls are CLOSE. When people are this ignorant and have swallowed this much of the kool-aid, there's really nothing to be done. Anything that doesn't fit in with their narrative they make shouts of deep-state conspiracies, and their base believes them. Hell, to a degree THEY probably believe that crap. Facts in the world make you look bad? Conspiracy. It couldn't possibly be that just simply have it astronomically wrong. No evidence for my argument? Conspiracy. Mountains of evidence to the contrary? Conspiracy. Hell, there's nothing you can't convince yourself of when you think everything is a conspiracy.

Repost from my friend John O...

"if you are one of those people who think that both major political parties in the USA are "exactly the same" I'm here to tell you that you are not only an uninformed idiot, but that you are making sure we never get out of this Republican hellhole we are in.

I have tried to tell these fucking fools that there are major differences between the parties but they come back with their Russian ideas about things. Look, Democrats aren't trying to deny science and limit our access to our government paid scientists' information. They aren't doing their best to destroy public schools. They aren't trying to limit women's rights, they are trying to expand them.They aren't jailing children, denying them food and medicine, and ripping apart their families just to scare others into staying away. Plus a ton of other important issues that they are diametrically opposed to the Republicans about.

I usually try to talk to these bumpkins without offending them, try to point out these differences and I am met with the buffoon's responses. Things like "They all take money from the rich" and "you have no proof of that".

If you don't vote, you are a tool of the powers that want you to not vote. We can see what happens when people like Trump or Bush get in office, they run wild and have a lot of support from bought-off Senators and Congresspeople. We are in a crisis in this country, on the edge of becoming a fascist/totalitarian state like China or Russia. Voting for those who will put on our chains is nuts.

In conclusion, if you are not going to vote, please shut up about anything to do with the process. If you aren't involved, don't have an opinion beyond "I give up". Ya morons."

Re: https://www.space.com/bill-nye-climate-change-john-oliver.html

It's marvelous how people will criticize Bill Nye on his climate change video because he's not a "real scientist" (which he is... being NASA engineer and public science educator and popularizer for decades more than qualifies) but will take the half-baked supposed scientific opinions of know-nothings and blow-hards like Trump and Fox News pundits at face value.

Nathan W. Pyle/Strange Planet

I don't think we need to the light torches and get the pitchforks out just yet over a relatively common opinion on abortion a guy shared 2 or 3 years ago. I don't agree with him at all and the march-4-lyfe people are turds but if your criteria for liking a comic strip or any other form of media is that the creators believe exactly all the same things you do, I've got some news for you (especially when the thing they're creating is entirely apolitical). Actual subject matter and degree need to be accounted for, sure. If a creator is going online frequently spouting off Nazi shit, that's another matter that's impossible to ignore. And if that person starts using their craft as a way to spread those ideas that you don't agree with, logically it also becomes a different matter entirely. I get political with my comic sometimes with the full understanding it may turn some people off and I might lose a reader or two, or otherwise limit my audience, but that's a price I'm willing to pay. All that being said he made a pretty mild tweet 2 years ago, he's not standing outside of abortion clinics with images of dead fetuses screaming at pregnant 15 year olds. Chill. It really isn't worth it.