Work then die.

I have an office job, and like many people with jobs in general, at the moment I find myself resenting it. Mind you, it's not for any specific reason, it's existence is entirely the only reason. I want to draw and make my comics. The fact that I'm just sitting behind a computer facilitating trivial horseshit for other people when I want to be doing other things is insanely frustrating. It doesn't seem "fair", whatever that means. It doesn't seem fair that I don't live in the utopia that I wish I did. The thing is, I'm the first one that'll tell you "not everyone can have their dream job, and sometimes you gotta suck it up so you can support yourself ( and your family, if you have one )". Adult responsibility is a thing. I don't think it's right or wrong, it's just a thing, a fact of life. Born in a different era "adult responsibility" might be something very different. In 2018 sometimes it means going to a job you don't believe in so you can put food on your table and a roof over your head. Years ago in a different place maybe that meant breaking your back on a farm or shoveling coal. I don't think I'm entitled to anything "better" than people who have had to live lives like that. However... some people don't. Some people DO do what they love for a living; it's a rare thing afforded to a lucky few, but it does happen. I've told myself thus far that I don't want cartooning to seem like a job that I HAVE to do. I don't want to end up resenting it. Is the alternative that I'm currently living any better? I need health insurance, so that's one big limiting factor. Some people think socialized healthcare and capitalism are mutually exclusive ideas. I disagree. When you've got people stifling their creativity because they feel trapped in a job because health care costs are a nightmare without it, you've hurt your capitalist society, you haven't helped it. People who feel free to create and innovate without that burden are going to contribute much more than they would otherwise.

A lot of this comes from feeling really exhausted the last few weeks. Maybe it's the change in my medication. Maybe it's work burnout, I dunno. As a result, however, I feel wholly unmotivated, crabby, and resentful at my job lately.